It's five answers to five questions. Benefits of Therapy Therapy. Or "OK". This is a professional people skills response to inappropriate behavior. Assuming that the annoying co-worker is trying to provoke you, it's best to respond as neutrally as possible. (fill in the blank). You feel very strongly that your employer did you wrong. It's called work, not super-happy-fun-time, for a reason. 1) Your work objectively meets company specs/expectations and 2) you have already directly handled this using a lighter touch first. That comment is validating because it gives the other person permission to feel what they're feeling. "I'll never be good enough." Negative responses to negative feedback delay growth, destroy progress, and lose respect. Even if that's not how you talk to everyone else, be sure to be assertive when dealing with an aggressive coworker. It can be helpful to think of complaining as a symptom of a larger issue. 5. "However, if the criticism is . You also make your workplace a better environment for all employees when you address the problems that a difficult coworker is causing for the team. BITCHY women in the workplace who play emotional and tormenting games are responsible for high levels of stress and sickness among their female colleagues. Appoint yourself Timecop. Here are examples of how not to respond. Anagha explained the reason behind this and said, Aggressive people tend to dominate or bully a passive communicator into submission. Keep your focus. Or they're the tantrum throwers, the too-demanding bosses, the micromanagers, the passive aggressive . Any job, even one at a healthy workplace that you enjoy, can get to you after a while and leave you in need of a vacation that rejuvenates your work ethic and your spirit. Criticism, after all, may actually point out things that you are doing ineffectively or poorly—things you could do better. Advertisement. Nitpicking isn't about code that is wrong but suboptimal. "In . They often mean well, but definitely don't play well with others. We resort to nitpicking in the face of undoable tasks or unachievable outcomes because it gives us a sense of control, as if we're going to make the undoable task doable again if we just pick and prod at the right spots. when I …. And then they ask something, you explain it, they ask "why". Observe The Workplace To Deal With A Nitpicking Boss 1.3 3. How To Deal With A Nitpicking Boss - Don't Take It Personal. By attempting to first work through the situation directly with your. At no point did I suggest that everyone was callous or "mean to me." But replying to someone's concern about the well-being of their co-workers with "I don't care" *is* callous, regardless of what position you are in or how important you think something is. Give them time to cool off, consult with your manager on the best way to move forward, and use our list of tips (further down the page) to help alleviate the situation. Your partner, family members, friends, and coworkers often tell you that you have a habit of nitpicking unnecessarily. In addition, sabotage often stems from a coworker's belief that he or she can do the job better. Consider approaching your boss as well. It's pointing out a variable name that could use a more appropriate word, a conditional that could be formatted more cleanly, or some minor simplifying of logic. Cut The Possibility Of Boss's Micromanaging 1.2 2. Set limits on the rest. Breathe. Plus, this response shows you were . Conflict is a part of business and how you react under fire impacts the future of your customer relationships. Explain the situation as clearly and objectively as possible, so that you don't come across as complaining about a coworker. Controlling perfectionists are also unable to delegate tasks to others. A serious face, stiffened body, or crossed-arm presentation by our teammate John is a non-verbal way of saying, "I'm not comfortable around you." A stiff demeanor can also be a cry for attention. An escalation policy must be established to manage conflicts about the safety of an order when the standard communication process fails to resolve an issue.Staff must know who to call to aid in getting a satisfactory resolution. 5. An employee may be nitpicking because she doesn't have anything else to do with her work day; in that case, assign her a few new tasks, telling her that you think she's ready for more responsibility. I'm glad you liked [X and Y], and I'll incorporate your feedback on [W and X].". Again, let's give your boss the benefit of the doubt: Maybe you're misinterpreting the tone. "If your boss's micromanaging is accompanied by constructive recommendations or specific feedback, they more than likely want you to improve," she says. I'm a self-taught software developer here. Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members in order to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. Two coworkers are attacking people over grammar. Ask your co-worker if you could speak with her for a few moments to clarify something. However, they will then complain about having to . Pause before you respond. If you want a different outcome, then change how you act. Be Assertive When communicating with an aggressive colleague, try to be assertive. Manage conflicts. While the nitpickers' actions can be frustrating, their attention to detail and focus can also be a positive for the team. Say, "Wow, that was a great mix of praise and constructive criticism. If you blow up, especially in writing, then she'll go snitch on you. Be humble. Suggest couple's therapy. When she points up the next mistake, you can have a hearty response such as, "Sally, thank you. Regardless the type, follow these steps to manage the behavior: Tap into their strengths. shut down immediately any comments from the junior. Remaining Professional When You're Frustrated If you felt like he was going behind your back like that, it makes complete sense that you'd be angry.". They respond to consequences . Then, clearly state the facts without using a blaming or otherwise negative tone. You're better served to take a moment to calm down before you respond to criticism. All criticism, even unmerited criticism is useful to you. Diversion. Click to see full answer Be sure the process provides an avenue for resolution outside the typical chain of command in case the conflict involves a subordinate and his . "It's your fault too." Making it personal. Consider excusing yourself from the conversation and taking a walk or taking a few deep breaths. By doing so, you'll prevent them from approaching you at the water cooler. That's a vicious cycle right there. It's possible that they simply want to help and are coming from a good place. 2. Talk to people who are wearing headphones. You might then say: "I see that. make a decision. If someone gives you a compliment, smile and say thank you. Click to see full answer. Don't perceive yourself as a victim. Acts "stiff" around you. You may find out that your co-workers are not on your side. 7. If they are attacking you personally, set limits appropriately. Focus on Face-to-Face. Here we go… 1. An objective third party in the room can help you make sense of what's going on. I can understand your feeling that way.". Initiate A Conversation With Your Nitpicking Boss 1.5 5. Emotions are unavoidable in the workplace. If you keep putting out your best and prove to them that you are self-motivated and can take initiative, he may leave you be. I often tell clients to wait until their emotions die down (usually between 20-30 minutes) before attempting to confront the offending party. This will also . 2. Feeling attacked. . Let them see you writing the date, time and micromanaging information. 1y Fresh. Let's start off light. You sue, and start taking depositions of all of your co-workers, who were your BFFs when you worked there. When they contradict their own nitpicking, immediately say, "Whoa, on Tuesday you said the green pens were for do. Maybe use the time to go to the toilet, get some fresh air, order some food or drink, or make a quick phone call. Do not say: "I know you felt disappointed when I . Address the source calmly and without emotion. This person is usually a great employee: super meticulous, impressive work ethic, has their ducks in a row, almost always gets it right. If she texts you or emails you, ignore it. Or "Uh hu". Stop putting yourself in the same situation, and stop subjecting yourself to their criticism by simply not talking about the things that you're sensitive about to them — for the time being anyway, until you are ok with their criticism. Excuse making. Acting Like Your Friend 17. If someone is constantly nitpicking your work, it's important to confront them about it. A perfectionist to a fault, The Nitpicker is a chronic pain as a superior or a partner. Yes, there are situations where it is appropriate to impose a decision. Denial. 6. Dealing with difficult situations at work is challenging, yet rewarding. You find a lawyer willing to take your case. - user23715 Jul 12, 2016 at 18:15 30 Be prepared for the escalation to not go in your favor. Remember - highly manipulative people don't respond to empathy or compassion. Supportiv's new article collection helps harness those feelings (a coworker's or one's own) for enhanced wellbeing and productivity. Your partner, family members, friends, and coworkers often tell you that you have a habit of nitpicking unnecessarily. People's body language can say as much or even more than words. Nitpicking Your Actions 16. I'm a black male with mostly white co-workers and a white boss. Do not tolerate being oppressed by your boss. My white co-worker is never able to finish her work, works off the clock to attempt to finish … read more If a response is expected, calmly say why this is your opinion and why it will work without lashing out at the coworker. Your boss may have lost confidence in you or is looking for justifications for letting you go, says Dele Lowman Smith, an executive coach in Atlanta. Disengage / Ignore. Never take off your headphones. How to Respond to an Abusive Boss Respond. Sexual Harassment 19. 1.4 4. If you win a game, you can say, "You win some, you lose some" instead of gloating. IV. The control freak in your workplace is an enormous, immovable obstacle. Talk to Your Boss Initiate a Conversation Talk to your boss about the situation to see if you can create a more positive working atmosphere. 2. Make a difference in your workplace by being compassionate, empathic, a good mentor, honest, straightforward, and kind. At my company, we have a couple of grammar fanatics who go out of their way to correct people even when they're not in the conversation. 10. Step 2 : Fight the impulse to respond defensively. If your employees can't approach a manager in person, they might be nitpicking in an effort to get a promotion. "Workplace bullying is psychological violence . Offer them assignments that require them to dig into and analyze details, find problems and report them back to the team. [1] Step 1: Accept criticism as an opportunity. Say goodbye to repeat offenders. Here are some of the steps you can take to keep personal issues from impacting your work: 1. I want to inform you that I've spoken with a doctor and physician about my health condition, classified as glaucoma, and how my job is currently affecting this issue. This makes complainers clamor for attention even more - which usually makes people ignore them even more. Bothering You After Hours 18. You are often judgemental of others and provide critical commentary to people on their personality, habits, behavior, choices, mentality, attitude, and appearance. Jealous coworkers When you're ready to make your . Remind yourself that you are getting paid for your professionalism. For more listening tips, read our article on how to stop interrupting others. 5: Ignoring them / avoiding them doesn't work. Unless you figure out the correct answer to the question "why": That answer is "because". Nitpicking at an ultimately un-doable task is illogical, but is also very common. You don't actually have to respond at all —you may be better served to just put the criticism behind you. Work when you're sick. Engage in meaningful and fulfilling activities outside of work. 6. You can vastly improve your own work environment and morale when you increase your ability to deal with the people at work. That's not what I said or implied. Even when we've significantly improved a certain behavior, it doesn't mean that the people around us will automatically notice. Relaxation techniques are an excellent way to manage stress and anger. I ask the same in return.". Its already too late to answer but for the people who might be in a similar situation I have the best solution for such people who are always nitpicking. Step 2. You don't want to make it seem like you've focused on the negative feedback to the exclusion of the positive. Peek at everyone's monitors as you walk around. Step 2. The Nitpicker. At around 3 or 4 they learn the word "why". It turns out that your BFFs weren't such BFFs after all. 3. Practice your desk-drumming. The mentor or yourself can explain the concept of disagree and commit and that in life things don't always work as one wants / expects. It shows that you're not judging them for reacting the way they are. Take a look at the employee's work load to determine whether they have too much or too little to do. Examples of Workplace Bullying. Accord clearly state the decision. This is my formal resignation letter. Dodging issues, acting oblivious or playing dumb, changing the subject to distract away from the issue, canceling meetings, and avoiding people. In respect to this, what is a toxic person in the workplace? They're the office bullies who "accuse, threaten, annoy, pester, shame, raise their voices, shake their fists and sometimes even get physically pushy.". Well. Spend a bit of time explaining what you'll be working on and how you'll be doing it to create trust. An employee may be nitpicking because she doesn't have anything else to do with her work day; in that case, assign her a few new tasks, telling her that you think she's ready for more responsibility. First, make a note of when your coworker makes excuses for sabotage. The Workplace Bullying Institute defines bullying as "repeated mistreatment of an employee by one or more employees; abusive conduct that is: threatening, humiliating, or intimidating; work sabotage; or verbal abuse.". 1. Before you respond, try to take a time-out. Except for one thing: oh, how they nitpick. Effects of Abusive Bosses Effects. Learn healthy relaxation techniques. A nitpicker can potentially be an excellent tester, their need to question everything pays dividend as a tester. Focus instead on what you can control and on helping others who matter to cope too. Making an employee constantly feel that they are the problem, shaming them for no real wrongdoing, or making them feel inadequate and unworthy. Just maybe, there's another explanation for why the co-worker made the statement. 1 12 Primary Rules To Deal With A Nitpicking Boss 1.1 1. 6. Arguing. You explain it more and they ask "why". Set up weekly meetings where nitpicking coworkers can voice their concerns. 20 ways to drive your coworkers crazy in an open office Find the worst times to chat. Ben Brooks had just started a new job at a top-tier management consulting firm, and he and an older colleague were on the phone with the rest of the practice . 2. Taking a moment can sometimes help you get some . 2. 3. . 4. That means maintaining positive body language and non-hostile expressions. How to deal with nitpicker coworkers? Don't respond in kind; instead, see yourself as remaining calm, detach yourself emotionally from the annoying manager, and don't try to control what is out of your control. Nitpicking and moving the goal posts. If she says something verbally, give her a non-commital and non-confrontational answer such as "Is that so". I am wondering if anyone has advice about how to handle a coworker (with about 1 month of experience at my workplace compared to my 18 months) who takes every possible opportunity to insistently criticize my work at every step of the process, from choices of software packages down to whether to put spaces between an equals sign and a variable . It seems that none of the people here is the parent of a young child. Their motto is, "if you want something done right … do it yourself.". 4. To avoid sounding condescending or superior, work on staying humble. As leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith has . Answer (1 of 4): Write down what they say. Then come back and rejoin the group once you've had a chance to process the put down and get your emotions in check. Before responding, reflect on this person who wants you to react unfavorably. Amidst a daily pattern of low-grade irritation at a co-worker's annoying habits and . Be cautious when approaching the subject so that you do not sound. These bullies have been around since grade school. Let him know that you are implementing a plan for being more effective at work, share the details of your plan and ask if that will help him. One of the best changes I've made at work recently is to stop nitpicking in code reviews. char * string2 = "this is another string"; declaration causes string2 point to t (first character of string) and that doesn't mean *string2 is entire string (On derefrencing string2),i.e, "this is another string".If you will try to print *string2 with %s, it will cause segmentation fault but with %c it will print t. To print a pointer use %p specifier. Case Study #1: Focus on your reaction. Advice: Assign them to the test team. How to Handle an Abusive Boss Coping. For example, you can decide in advance how to respond to the boss's wife, let's call her Sally. For ex., Put your best efforts into your work, ensuring that your boss doesn't have to worry about your performance and you take your work just as seriously as he does. Shame and guilt. Here are excerpts from his guidelines. Some experts say it goes further than that. The Control Freak. My meaning: add code quality initiatives that have the fastest payoffs before long, slogging campaigns. "I treat people with respect. Also, assign a single manager to all of their employees. Do say: "You must have felt very disappointed (hurt, angry, etc. My official answer to your question is to pick your initial battles carefully, and eventually increasing the scopes of your initiatives to make the impacts you desire and know to be good. Avoid pointing fingers, rolling your eyes, invading the person's personal space, and crossing your arms. A lot of people apply and go to work because they are motivated to achieve their personal dreams and goals. Take a look at the employee's work load to determine whether they have too much or too little to do. Try this three-step approach to dealing with difficult people at the office : Identify the person that irks you. Humiliating Others 15. 6: Complaining along with them doesn't work. Below is a sample letter resigning from a job due to health and stress concerns.